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Changing tides in the blink of an eye

You will come close to death as an initiation that you must go through, in this lifetimeon. Imagine being told this very sentence, what would you have done? On the surface I had a brave look upon my face yet underneath I was afraid, I would ponder how or when it would happen. I am good at “Changing outcomes” to the best of my ability, I learned this as a little girl. How to save and keep afloat the bits and pieces of my life that I am aware of, yet this was different.

Growing up, my Mother was a Jehovah’s Witness and basically, we were taught to surrender to the” Will of God” and that “God wouldn’t put too much upon us that we could not bear”. Then moving along, into my teens I chose to seek out Christianity. Here some of the same rhetoric was mentioned yet, I was taught that “We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us, this means that I then had some hope that I would be able to steer my life to some degree. Although, the message was still to “Cast your Cares unto the Lord.” There was this safe feeling that I would be taken care of no matter what happen as long as I do “Gods will.” Then I moved onto Islam where then I learned that I am held accountable for my deeds, and that I had to offer prayer five times daily to show my obedience to “Allah” and follow many other strict rules in order to stay within the favor of God/Allah. Expanding forward, I then moved past the state of being where I needed a Mediator to connect to the Creator of All. I always felt that I learned more about God through loving day-to-day life then going to Church or Mosque a day or two out of the week.

Continuing on in the state of being that I can build a relationship with the Creator of All without all the Religious or Re-legion doctrine; I now became aware that I am my own Savior and that no one was going to “Save me but me.” In this State, I had no safety net and it is all on me to be the best person and live an upstanding life so that I can get to the highest place in the Afterlife that I could. The only thing that I could depend upon is/was the relationship that I had built with the Creator. Also when I was told about the prophecy He mentioned that I would come close to it, he did not mention that I would pass away but I knew that I would be able to “Live on.”

I recently had that brush with Death. As the nurse approached me and told me that my heart wasn’t doing well, all I could think about was my young adults and what would happen. Also, like a previous lifetime, I had not finished my mission. There were two Amazing nurses who did a great job of keeping me calm throughout the ordeal. Moving forward as Co-Facilitator of the retreats in San Diego CA, I had just finished a retreat the day prior and this is what triggered the whole situation. My current prayer to Ayahuasca is, to help me to expand into the highest version of myself; in order to experience expansion, I must be aligned in Mind, Body, and Spirit. My body had a mysterious clot that the doctors couldn’t figure out where or how it came about on top of my blood being really low. I conquered my brush with death and the next time it comes knocking, I should have lived more in alignment my contracts and have things in place so that I can be more comfortable with what will happen after I am gone. Thank you for taking the time to read.

Natasha G.

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