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Fear and the Ego

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, fear is “an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger.” An acquaintance of mine often referred to himself as “fear-based”. It took me a bit to understand what he was talking about; basically, allowing fear (factual or otherwise) to control my reactions, inactions, emotional state, etc. Obviously, fear, as originally intended, is a survival mechanism. Our ancestors were probably justified in their fear of the Tyrannosaurus Rex roaring just outside of their cave, just as I have probably made some fairly healthy decisions in my life based on fear. However, why would I still react to ingrained false beliefs (Tyrannosaurus Rexes) of my formative years (Caves) and/or, many of the ingrained false beliefs that I still “downloaded” as a result of my various unhealthy lifestyles/choices after my formative years?

I took what should have been healthy survival mechanisms and honed them to a fine dangerous point to “protect” myself from both self and others. Those same survival mechanisms became character defects and/or defaults. Now that I surround myself with a network of people that I love and love me, that I trust, etc., typically the only times that I have allowed these same defaults, patterns, etc. to rear their ugly head have been to protect my ego. I no longer have to be ready for battle when the war has been over for many years.

My ego typically likes all things status quo, “comfortable”, regardless how stifled I may feel in that “comfort”. There have been many times in my life when I have been “unhappy” (putting it mildly at times) but it can be said that I had grown “comfortable” in that unhappiness as at least I knew what to expect, did not have anything further to lose, etc. Sadly, my ego at times would prefer that versus trying something new, putting myself out there, believing in myself, rolling the dice, etc.

Much like fear, I have learned along this path not to “kill the ego” (or fear). I need to have a relationship with both. I like to view it as my self-parenting my fear, my ego, my self, etc. Having a conversation with my fear, ego, self as in; 1) From Where? Why/what am I actually afraid of that might actually turn out as an opportunity for growth, exploration, etc.? 2) Through Where? How am I actually reacting to this perceived challenge, etc.? 3) To Where? What is my overall perceived outcome/”benefit” of allowing a potential default to still “control” me? By merely negating my fear, ego, etc. I am in fact attempting to negate what is part of me. Much like denying my reflection when I look into a mirror. Delusional.

As I have said, I have LEARNED this from this path. I am grateful to you all, to Pachamama Sacred Paths, and to myself for the teachings.

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