Throughout life, whether as a child, married, divorced, or dating, I often felt very alone. I yearned for the love I read about in books and saw depicted in movies. I longed for a prince charming to come and rescue me. Someone who would take my pain, provide me with the safety I needed and bring with them a happily ever after. And so, I waited and waited. When he finally arrived, he was quick to tell me “I can’t make you happy. You need to discover what brings you joy and do that. I am here to add to your joy.” Well, how do you like those apples? Over the years, he has remained consistently himself. As necessary, he reminds me how I am my best investment and encourages me to continue with the journey of self-discovery.
This morning, as I read the Impersonal Life by Joseph S. Benner, the words on the page leaped out at me! They conveyed, in essence, "I AM who you have been waiting for." It was a moment of profound clarity: the realization that it had always been me who I was waiting for. This explained the soul's deep hunger and thirst could be satiated. In that moment, I understood that no human being or worldly thing could fill a void that only God and my I AM is big enough to fill. This is not coming from a religious perspective, but from a deeper awareness that all of Life desires to know its Oneness with ITSELF. Hence the famous words spoken by Yeshua when he said, "My Father and I are one."
This is not a criticism of anyone's desire to be happy or to find true love. Had it not been for this dream within my heart, I would not have discovered the courage that was present yet buried deep within. I would not have realized what it means to love myself enough to honor my hearts desires and allow them to lead. Love and happiness are what drove me. I wanted it more than a man whose hair is on fire wants a lake! The pull and push for Love has been Spirit’s way of getting me to embark on the journey to ME.
Years ago, I had a vision during a meditation. When I shared it with my teacher, his response was simply “oh the Mystical Marriage.” At the time I had no idea what Mystical Marriage meant. In this vision I felt a sense of freedom and joy. I saw the silhouette of a man and a woman twirling and dancing in the forest. Then I heard God’s voice say, “this is why I love you.” My response, was “you love me when I do nothing?” (As a beginner, meditation felt like I was doing nothing.) What I now believe that vision represented the Divine Feminine and Sacred Masculine in balance. This vision was communicating what everyone’s destiny can be when we are willing to embark on the journey of Self-discovery. We are here to balance the Divine Feminine and Masculine within so that we can live from our I AM and create a life of harmony. We are here to be in right relationship with ALL that is, including ourselves and so I am grateful for this journey and arriving at a place where nothing is missing, including the love of the Heavenly Father, the Earthly Mother and my own I AM.
Aho,
-Cynthia Ambriz
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